Poutine & the Black Death

I think I may finally have done something that will get me into the history books. I may very well be known as the guy who brought child obesity to Africa. It happened today, May 23rd, in the context of our North American Day of International Week.

I introduced the children of our school to the French Canadian fine cuisine delicacy of poutine. The kids all loved it, but then, what’s not to like about that fat laden, nutrient deprived Québecois ambrosia made up of french fries, cheese and gravy? By subjecting these innocent children to this delicious poisonousness, I unleashed the cruel and unrelenting plague of child obesity upon Africa's already fragile posterity. I am now joining ranks with the likes of Gaëtan Dugas and Yanni Beg. For those of you who may not know of these two gentlemen, let me briefly enlighten you.

Back in the early 1980‘s, the now deceased Gaëtan Dugas was a steward for the now defunct Canadian Airlines. He is often referred to as Patient 0 in early AIDS studies. Many people consider Dugas to be responsible for bringing HIV to North America.

But then, Gaëtan is nothing compared to my buddy Yanni Beg. Yanni Beg, or Yanni as he is known to his friends, was a real piece of Mongolian work. In the Middle Ages, Yanni is one of many ruling warriors who’s actions were catalysts in the spreading of the Black Death, one of the most devastating pandemics in human history. Although the plague is considered a natural disaster, Yanni was involved in a battle where his actions were key to the widespread propagation of the disease.

The actual battle occurred far away at the Black Sea port of Kaffa in the Crimea - now known as Feodosia, Ukraine. In 1346, the Genoese colony there was under siege by the Tartars, led by Yanni Beg, a khan of the Golden Horde. The Tartars brought the plague with them from Asia and were overcome by a severe outbreak of it during the siege. Hoping to inflict the same fate that had befallen his troops upon his adversaries, Yanni Beg ordered that the plague victim’s corpses be catapulted over the walls into the city.

Now, call me a pretentious sanctimonious snob if you wish, but am I the only one here who finds the act of catapulting dead diseased infectious corpses into someone’s back yard extremely, sacrilegiously, and perversely wrong?

The Genoese residents of Kaffa frantically dumped the corpses into the sea, but to no avail – some were already infected. The Genoese hurriedly dumped these into the sea, but the plague spread anyway. After the colonists began to contract the disease, the terrified Genoese fled the city in their ships, taking the plague back to Italy with them where it soon spread across all of Europe. Taking to their ships, the fleeing Genoese carried the plague far and wide. And thus, the Black Death began its rapidly unabated spread across much of Europe, killing off 200 million people in its path.

Hmmm...could it be that I'm a bit too melodramatic here? How does provoking alimentary upheaval here in Africa with my serving poutine to the young innocent and unsuspecting souls of my school compare to Yanni's utilizing of his deceased soldiers' remains as bubonic plagued cannon balls. Only history will tell.