Driving in Bangkok - Part 2

The main problem with driving in Bangkok is not the traffic in itself, but the sheer volume of vehicles all jockeying for the same stretch of asphalt. Whatever time of day, there is a lot of traffic, cars, trucks, bikes, motorcycles, and of course taxis driving like taxis do. By the way, I am now convinced that, all over the world, the main requirement for obtaining a taxi license is to have the eyesight of a hamster, that is to have lost all peripheral vision and consequently be oblivious to anything that is not directly in their line of focus. How else would you explain the way these guys 'own the road'? 

        

It's Monday, it's raining, I'm driving...leave me alone! 

Here in Bangkok, most rules of road etiquette are adhered to, except of course for the guys on motorcycles. These hotdogs seem to have their own set of rules; their number one rule being that there are no rules. These guys quickly swarm around you and weave in and out of traffic, to a point where you just learn to ignore them, like you would do with flies. Sure, they’re annoying and unpleasant, but not harmful. And there's always a whole lot of them. The use of motorbikes as family transport is commonplace throughout much of Thailand. The most I've seen piled on a motorcycle is a family of six, two kids in the front, daddy driving, daughter behind hanging on to daddy, and then poor mommy, one arm wrapped around the daughter and the other hand holding on for dear life to the back of the seat.  One heck of a family bonding experience, I must admit! Well, you know what they say, a family that rides together, stays together, right?...or should we rather say, a family that falls and slides and scrapes across the hard pavement together, moans, bleeds and stays together (minus perhaps a few body parts along the way). Just kidding. When inquiring about this rather unsafe if not downright dangerous family on two wheels set up to Thai friends, they either look at me with a puzzled look on their faces as if they don't understand where I'm coming from with this bizarre query, or just smile, politely brushing off my comment as another typical farang worrywart hangup with seeing danger where there is none. I don't ask anymore. 

           

Motorcycle taxis, now there’s an interesting mode of public transport.  They're called motoesai rap chang in Thai and you see a lot of these orange vested licensed motorcycle taxi operators hanging around side-streets waiting for customers that want to get somewhere quickly. They are much faster than the car because when not weaving in and out of the regular flow of traffic, they drive on the white lines between cars so they can beat much of the traffic. Of course there is a trade-off in that you’re sitting on the back of a motorcycle, completely trusting the driver to keep you perched there without flying off spreadeagled into some poor unsuspecting soul's windshield. Another gamble when taking one of these sometimes hair-raising motorcycle taxis is not really knowing for sure if you’re going where you want to go because none of these drivers speak or understand English. Motorcycle taxis are great, but not for the faint of heart. My daughter rode one when she was here, and according to her personal barometer of ‘most terrifying moments of my life’, her motorcycle taxi ride experience ranked just a few notches below the time she hid under her desk in Kabul during a terrorist raid of her office building, realizing she had no minutes left on her cell phone to inform her parents of her unfortunate demise. Turned out it was only a lockdown drill, which nobody bothered to tell her about. Needless to say, I think I’ll take a pass on the motoesai rap chang experience.

Bangkok traffic would not be Bangkok traffic without the tuk tuk, these virtual polluting tin cans on three wheels defying the forces of physics and the fear of death, winding in and out of buses and cars at high speed. Only the motorcycle taxis top their gumption. But hey, these things are so ugly, they're cute, or cugly, like chubby little pug dogs, or Donald Trump. No, I take that back, the Donald is not cute. I therefore choose to overlook the fact that tuk tuks can be a pain in the derriere when negotiating traffic.  

And then there is the getting used to driving on the left side of the road from behind the right sided steering wheel; now there's a double whammy of a driving configuration for an easily confused senile brain like mine. In spite of my quasi geriatric mind, it did not take me much time to get used to driving in the opposite side of the road while sitting in the opposite side of the front seat. Alas, I have become nothing less than totally ambidextrous in my driving ability. 

Most fellow expats that I know find that driving on the left is not a problem and get used to it pretty much immediately. The key is to remain alert and not let your instincts take over. Although I'm getting better, I sometimes find myself going to the passenger side (the left side) of the car to get into the driver's seat. Actually, once, in a moment of distraction, I sat down with keys in hand (where the heck is my steering wheel?) before realizing that I was on the wrong side. Yes, and I do still make a lot of mistakes with the signal and the windshield wiper levers; it starts raining, I signal left, I want to signal left, my windshield wipers start wiping. Parking lots, especially those big multi-level cement mothers, are where I occasionally become vulnerable to the right/left confusion because lanes are not clearly marked. It's important to remember that the bulk of the car is on your left, and therefore you should hug the right curb closer than you think, especially going up and down those narrow circular ramps. Boy I hate those ramps! Having one's spouse in the left passenger seat repeatedly and sometimes a bit annoyingly reminding you to 'move to the right' helps a lot. 

So driving on the left side of the road has almost become second nature to me, and as expected, going back to driving on the right side of the road upon my re-entry into Canada also takes a bit of time to adjust. This is especially true when driving out of the car rental at YVR when my mind as well as a few other of my body parts are numb with fatigue after disembarking from a 30+ hour marathon flight. Understandably, at that time I am not always at my best when it comes down to driving and again, having that ever so gentle spouse sitting next to me reminding me ever so subtly that, "you're not in Bangkok anymore, get back to your frickin' lane, sweetheart!" has saved the day on more than one occasion.
   
         

Yes, dealing with traffic in Bangkok is a full-fledged sport.  But if you are cool enough and if you are used to driving in big cities, it’s not that stressful.  And you sure don’t encounter some of that aggression that you normally do in some other countries where I have driven, one of which will remain nameless in this entry since I have already sufficiently and vividly bashed that particular country’s road behaviour in my previous entry. I have to say that I have never experienced such polite and courteous drivers as I have in Bangkok. While driving in this fair city of 6.3 million people, if you need to cut into a lane, you signal, and sure enough, someone will let you in. Horns are practically obsolete here, no horn honking, and no need to let the driver directly ahead know that he or she just did something boneheaded; road rage is unheard of. The Thais' non-confrontational and easy-going nature is obviously reflected in their driving mien.  The best way to drive is to be assertive. Cautious, but cool and confident. And patient.