Guirch hzan...

Last weekend, the curtain fell on a somewhat downer of a January. Madeleine and I officially put an end to our ‘month from hell‘ in grand style...sitting on a verandah overlooking the splendor of the open ocean, munching on goat skewers, listening to good, vibrant, frenzied arabic music and watching Lebanese women gyrate their cute guirch hzan’s. Let me explain.

One of Madeleine’s acquaintances from her ESWA group (English Speaking Women of Africa) invited the ladies, and their husbands, for a day at Roam Island, one of two islands just off the coast of Conakry. We had heard a lot about these sparsely populated islands since our arrival here. Apparently, these small get away islands are a not too far away respite when one gets sick and tired of the despair which is Conakry. Just what we needed. Furthermore, it turns out that this lady who invited Madeleine and her ‘husband’ is the wife of one of the wealthiest Lebanese land barons in Guinée, and I figured that with a mix of sparsely inhabited islands and wealthy people, one cannot go wrong.

We showed up at the dock and here I was, the only ‘husband’ that had decided to venture out to some unknown island with 30+ women who barely spoke English. Distant island + sandy beaches + 30 women + moi as the romantic lead...could not keep my cinematographer creative juices from flowing until I realized that the storyboard of my film in-the-making was unfortunately a deja vu of a motion picture of a particular genre that I had seen many, many years ago, in a movie theatre of a particular genre in Blaine, Washington...anyways, I digress, back to the island.

Waiting for the boat to arrive, I joked around with the ladies, telling them that I would be their bodyguard for the day. It was obvious that all of them were immediately dazzled by my wit and charm, except for Olga, the lady from the Russian Embassy. I don’t think she got my subtle and dead pan sense of humor. As a matter of fact, immediately following my remark about me being her bodyguard, she sternly told me, out of the blue, that she had a 7 year old son. At that point, due to my vast and impressive field of experience in the realm of being rejected by girls (once a nerd, always a nerd), I detected the all too familiar get-out-of-my-face-you-ugly-old-gray-haired-fart nuances in her voice. Not to be put off by her subtle yet persuasive repellent tone, as if I was diseased or something, I continued to dazzle the remaining 29 girls. So what if the Russian chick wasn’t happy with my comment. I figured the poor girl had probably misunderstood the word bodyguard as meaning something raunchy ...or even perhaps the word ‘bodyguard’ in Russian meant ‘lets make out on the sandy beaches of Roam Island’. Who cares. Olga did not sit next to me on the boat. Her loss. Digressing again.

After a 20 minute boat ride, we get to this sandy beach, not quite deserted, but almost. Madeleine’s friend, our hostess, met us at the boat and directed us to her ‘little place on the island’. To say that it was oceanfront property to die for would be an understatement.

Ended up spending the whole morning sitting in the shade, watching the few children play in the sand, sipping tea, eating this splendid Lebanese spread (again, kind of outdid it with the humus), walking on the beach, and of course, body guarding 29 women. A rather nice way to spend a leisurely day.

PS: A guirch hzan is arabic for a coin belt, or hip scarf covered with these shiny tin thingies that jingle and jangle when these ladies dance and wiggle their hips.